By Abigail Aguilar –
In 2021, I started 8th grade. Coming back from Covid not seeing anyone or knowing anyone barely, I made some new friends but also lost friends during quarantine.
In the middle of September they introduced me to smoking. I thought they were my best friends and this was the time where I was not shy or scared of anything. I was so outgoing and hyper.
I would yell back at teachers disrespecting them. I would always be called into the office and I would introduce the 6th graders who were innocent to bad things.
In 2022 my sister was living in an apartment which was for lease. Since she didn’t find a new place within a month she got kicked out with nowhere to go.
My sister was already not stable mentally due to her BPD (Bipolar Disorder). She got into hardcore drugs, and when I found out I was devastated. This broke my heart, completely losing the person you love to drugs while still trying to live my own life was hard.
This brought me to many thoughts and suicidal thoughts. I couldn’t help in any way my mom or my sister. I slowly fell into depression, which led me to hating myself. I started self harming.
One day I was just so angry, I wanted to take my life away. I found no value in my life and always felt like a chore for my mom instead of a child to look after.
I was put on the side because all the attention went to my sister. She went missing for months and everyone was looking for her and I was forgotten and I had to teach myself how to grow up.
I got emotional neglect and that was the cause of why I tried to attempt suicide. I didn’t end up taking my life because I always loved my mom and never wanted her to have problems. I didn’t want to see her stress about money for my funeral and all those payments when someone passes.
Since I was doing terribly, I developed an eating disorder. I would go days without eating which made me lose weight and I got really sick.
My brother was working at Ocean Park Inn hotel in Santa Monica. He was also struggling with his living situation, so his boss agreed with him that he could make him a room connected to the office of the hotel so he can have his space and work full time at the hotel.
Since I wasn’t doing the best in public school, he wanted me to have a different environment and healthy high school experience. He looked for schools and found Lighthouse Christian Academy. So it would be easier for me to get to school, I was living in the hotel with my brother.
My first impression of this whole situation of me coming to a small box school was ”I hate it.” I was so angry at him for enrolling me in a small private school with only 50 kids.
I didn’t understand why I needed to change, if I wasn’t doing the worst in my eyes. I start going to Lighthouse my freshman year 2023.
I was still self harming myself and I wanted to attempt to take my life again to see if any of these people that say “they care about people” would care about me.
I had anger towards Christians because everyone who I knew was Christian had done something bad to me.
One day I had a big argument with my mom because she lived in Koreatown. I would visit her since I wasn’t living with her and that argument was the hit of my family.
The next day I had to go to school, and I couldn’t stop thinking. My brain had adrenaline; it was spinning and spinning.
I broke down in class and Ms.Peterson saw me and stopped the whole class FOR ME. I felt so seen that day, and I had opened up to her about something so traumatic that happened to me.
Since November 2023. I have not been the same. I still think Jesus brought her to me to bring me light.
My whole view on people and Christianity changed for the good. I started attending the Lighthouse Church on Sundays and helping with the children’s school and that healed my inner child.
I started getting involved in things I never would have imagined myself to be involved in. I was doing music class, joined the youth group, helped with cleaning at school and made Christian friends. This was all new to me.
When our youth group went to this event called “Gen Z for Jesus,” I had an encounter with Jesus. It felt so unreal. And now I am a junior still in Lighthouse striving to graduate from here.
This will always be the favorite chapter in my life. I went from hating life to appreciating life and making the best of every negative thing I’ve been through.
About this writer: Abigail Aguilar is a staff reporter for Pilgrim Dispatch.
