Somewhere between the Sermon on the Mount and the latest Trump rally, some evangelical Christian decided that loving thy neighbor might include the application of the wooden spoon upon the bottom of secular liberalism.
Enter “MAGA Christianity,” a movement that’s got the chattering progressive classes clutching their pearls and the faithful clutching their Bibles—or maybe their AR-15s.
A recent article tried to pin this crowd to the wall like a taxidermied heresy, and from the pews of the conservative evangelical Trump faithful comes a retort that’s equal parts brimstone and belly laugh.
The charge from wokies: MAGA Christianity twists the Good Book into a cudgel for power and division, tossing out love, humility, and service for a red-white-and-blue jihad. But talk to Brother Jedediah in his MAGA cap, and he’ll tell you it’s not a hijacking—it’s a rescue mission.
These folks see a culture that’s banned prayer from schools faster than you can say “amen,” turned Christmas into a “winter holiday,” and made baking a cake a litmus test for apostasy. They’re not sowing division; they’re drawing a line in the sand against a world that’s gone Full Sodom.
Love? Sure. Humility? You bet. Service? Ask the church food pantry. But they’re not about to let the godless heathens of Hollywood and D.C. turn America into a pagan theme park.
Then comes the big one: MAGA Christianity as a shotgun wedding of Christian nationalism and white supremacy. It’s the kind of accusation that makes you wonder if the writer’s ever been to a Trump rally—or a church picnic.
The faithful here aren’t checking skin tones at the door; they’re checking for folks who’ll stand up for “In God We Trust” over “In Drag Queens We Brunch.” Call it heritage, not hate—a nostalgia for when the Ten Commandments weren’t just decorative in the courthouse.
Diversity? Peek at the crowd next time Trump stumps in Georgia. It’s less “Klan rally” and more “potluck with extra flags.”
Resentment and victimhood? The article paints them as a bunch of whiners mad that their Jesus fish bumper stickers don’t get a standing ovation anymore. Try righteous indignation instead.
When your kid can’t pray over his PB&J in the cafeteria but can get a lecture on gender fluidity before recess, you might feel a tad persecuted too. This isn’t about pouting in the corner; it’s about channeling the spirit of Patrick Henry—give me liberty or give me a recount.
They’re not dreaming of a theocracy; they just want an America where “under God” isn’t a punchline.
Selective morality gets a nod too—Trump’s a sinner, they say, but MAGA folks look the other way. Fair point: The Donald’s no choirboy.
But to the flock, he’s less a saint and more a general in the culture war. Pro-life? Check. Pro-family? You bet. Pro-freedom? He’s got the tweets to prove it.
Compare that to the other side’s champions, who’d rather fund Planned Parenthood than a parochial school. It’s not hypocrisy; it’s triage—focus on the guy who’s got your back, not the one who’s got your number.
Abandoning Christ’s teachings for conquest and revenge? Tell that to the Jesus who chased moneychangers out of the temple with a whip. These folks aren’t ditching mercy; they’re just not keen on turning the other cheek while the left turns the country into a moral landfill.
Power over faith? More like faith for power—stewardship, not domination. If Christians don’t grab the wheel, the woke brigade will, and they’ve already got the GPS set for Gomorrah.
The article’s grand finale: MAGA Christianity’s doomed to collapse under its own contradictions. Maybe. But if it goes down, it’ll take a few liberal shibboleths with it.
Hypocrisy’s a bipartisan sport—just ask the sanctimonious types who preach tolerance while canceling anyone with a cross necklace. Brother Jedediah and his crew aren’t perfect, but they’re not folding. They see Trump as a flawed vessel, a Nebuchadnezzar for the heartland, sent to hold the line against a tide of secular sludge.
Distortion? Nah. Survival, with a side of sass.
